Tuesday, January 3, 2012

the phony

Do you know me?  I am not who you know.  I am not who others know.  I am an amalgamation of statements intended to portray an ideal.  I'm not heroic.  I'm not rich.  I'm a liar.  And I'm damn good at it.

I don't care about others but I do care what others think.  Not because I want to be liked, but because I want myself to believe that I am liked.  I want to believe that I am missed even though I don't miss you.  I collect friends like currency and they're gone just as quickly.

Does this make me a bad person?  I provide companionship at a base level - isn't that better than being cold?  Or do you hate the idea that our affection is ungenuine?

To know me is to hate me.  And I can't stand to do that to you.

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