I love pot. I'd tried it once or twice in high school but only in college did I become a true pothead. Probably because smoking opened so many social opportunities and potheads tend to be the most accepting type of group as long as you're holding. Luckily I was always holding.
When I'd read a study that cigarette smokers that are also regular pot smokers have less instance of cancer than regular smokers who don't smoke pot, I thought I was golden. I smoke about a pack a day but knowing that taking a couple of bong rips at the end of the day would stave off cancer made me feel invincible and made quitting seem like an even stupider option.
It's making me lazy. I've always said that I'll quit one when I quit the other but only recently do I feel that the time has come. I'm not as resilient in the morning, the hacking is worse, and worst of all, I feel guilty as hell when I'm high.
Maybe it's because I feel I don't deserve it. Or maybe it's because it's become more a habit than a pleasurable experience. I need it to stop feeling bad. I need it to eat. I need it to sleep. I need it to watch TV. But it's so obvious that the things I need it for are making the hole I dig deeper.
I can exercise instead of watching TV. Exercise will make me feel good. Exercise will drive my hunger. And exercise will make me sleep. I don't like having this hunger to grow and having to smoke to drive it away. I just hope that it's for the best.
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